Inside 'Christian' Marriage: The Invisible Pain

It's no secret that Christian marriages around the world are suffering.

Why are husbands becoming less affectionate to their wives? Why are wives distancing themselves from their husbands? I believe it is time for a spiritual revival not only in our churches but more deeply in our marriages. No self help books, seminars, or specific marriage teachings will transform our marriages more until both husband and wife fully submit to the leading, promptings, and convictions of the Holy Spirit. Let's examine five ways that Christian marriages begin to fall out of love.

1. Personal Prayer is Absent.
We can pray all we want at church, in public venues, or even take a selfie during a spiritual moment for friends and family to see but without consistent personal prayer your marriage relationship will begin to slide. "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...". All of us. Husband and wife. If you want a God-honoring marriage ask the Holy Spirit to renew your prayer life today. Our generation follows the principles of 50 Shades of Grey quicker than the Word of God. Ask the Lord to renew your walk and begin to fervently pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to knit your hearts together so that true love from the Father will fill both your hearts to love in a deep and sincere way. Without prayer we build on sand. I challenge you build on the rock- Jesus Christ.

2. Secret Unrepentant Sin.
Both husband and wife must daily be washed in the presence of the Holy Spirit from sin's stain and stronghold. The Bible reminds us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do we take responsibility for the sin we committed or do we begin to blame our spouse just like Adam did in the Garden of Eden? Husbands-it is your sin of lust, sexual fornication, adultery not your wife's fault. Wives- it is your sin of bitterness, strive, and backbiting and not your husbands fault. The quicker we confess our sin to the Lord the quicker healing will begin in our marriage. Are you still hiding a secret sin? Is it more valuable than your marriage?

3. Me, My, Mine Attitude.
Remember your courtship days and how you each ran towards each other in affection. What happened since then? It is this attitude of self-pleasing that is deteriorating marriages around the world. The word, "I" is translated from Latin the word, "ego". Next time you speak to your spouse replace the word I with ego. My ego wants you to clean the house more! My ego wants you to be more helpful! My ego wants the house fixed. Changes the perspective doesn't it? The Bible reminds us that, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Will you ask the Holy Spirit to change your attitude today?

4. Couples Competition.
This is not something new yet it deceives thousands of couples--the desire to  promote your lifestyle. Wives and husbands enter competition with other couples seemingly invisibly yet the affect is palpable. Husbands begin to work even more, wives begin to shop incessantly. Husbands show off their toy cars, wives promote their fashion style. The list can go on forever. In the midst of a couples pursuit to outdo their peers, they lose their affection for one another. If we are to passionately love the Lord Jesus Christ and exemplify a God-fearing marriage we must stop loving the world. There must become a visible and genuine difference between couples who love Jesus Christ and those who only carry a name for the facade. Examine your marriage, what has the Holy Spirit been asking you to let go?

5. Consistent Maintenance Avoided.
Husbands- what would happen if you did not change the oil in your car regularly? What would happen if you never bothered to check tire pressure or the threads on your tires? Sooner rather than later you would have a heavy repair bill. It is easier to maintain the vehicle properly than to repair an engine or worse potential car accident recovery. Many husbands avoid the "maintenance" issues in their marriages and expect everything to work fine. Imagine if husbands just yelled at the tires-"Why don't you just fill up faster!" or "Why engine do I have to clean you every time!". Yet, we often as husbands yell at our wives and think its always their fault. Maybe...just maybe we as husbands have dropped the ball in maintaining affection, romantic pursuit, or just simply being kind to our wives?

Wives- what would happen if you never washed your hair for an entire week? What would happen if you did not clean your house for an entire week? What would happen if you did not touch the laundry basket for a month? Yes- it would become a HUGE problem. How about your relationship with your husband? How long do you let things not get resolved until a big blow up occurs? What every wife obviously does is wash their hair often, clean the house daily, and wash/dry all the clothes as often as possible. When is the last time you found a way to your husbands heart to address issues that need some maintenance? Don't avoid them investigate them because his silence is an indication that relationship maintenance is long overdo.

My hope is that the Holy Spirit will prompt husbands and wives to recommit their walk with the Lord in a deep and passionate way so that God-honoring marriages can show what true sacrificial love is all about. Never give up on your relationship because Jesus never gives up on you!

Pornography for Women: 50 Shades of Grey

If we as Christians stay silent to social, ethical, moral, religious, and even political issues in our time then all boundaries of faith, purity, and righteousness will be washed away and forgotten for generations to come. We must not only preach salvation and faith but purity and consecration too. Our task at hand is to awaken slumbering believers to realize the dangers of spiritual apathy and the agony of sin it causes in ones life. One specific area I want to address is a series of books that have been circulating in Christian homes, specifically women's hands. It's a book series called 50 Shades of Grey.

According to the books publisher, Random House, they say, " it sold 70 million copies of the trilogy between the series' March 2012 debut in the US and December of that year. That figure includes print copies, audio books, and e-books sold in English, Spanish, and German." What's even more astonishing is that in a recent article by the Christian Science Monitor they state, "Random House recently revealed its sales figures for the series – a number high enough to boost the publisher’s operating earnings (before taxes and interest) by 75 percent." This is one of the fastest selling trilogy books ever published and keeps growing in sales exponentially. We must stop and ask the question, why is that? Why would women, liberal and conservative, Christian and unbelievers, from all different nations continue to flock to this series? Could the lure be that of a deep longing sexual fantasy that still lingers inside the hearts? 

Pastor and 30 year veteran of social work and christian counseling, Mark Peters, shares his viewpoint on this subject: "Porn for women starts more from an emotional point.  The guy in the movies is cute, seems like he would treat a women right, what a women is looking for in a man.  This is still fantasy and lust...  She may not be looking at his genitalia...but she most definitively is desiring him to take her away as Prince "Porn" Charming - the result would be sex.  Especially true of most of Hollywood movies - sex follows the attraction...  He has something her man does not: looks, body, talk, charm....interesting....it is still physical, all awhile starting in the emotions.  Remember Jesus said if we look after "woman[man]" to lust we have committed adultery." 
We are dealing with an epidemic of sexual perversion, elevated sexual fantasies, and a deterioration of righteous boundaries for purity. If we as the Church of Jesus Christ sweep issues under the rug we will come to find out the toxic effects of sexual sin and its practices. The first particular book deals with 50 different sexual positions the couple involve themselves to receive the highest pleasure and satisfaction. Thus, the title for the book '50 Shades of Grey'. 

More and more I hear discussions on the popularity of this book among Christian circles and even on a few occasions have seen this book inside the homes of Christian families. What continues to strike me with shock is how believers continue to approve, distribute, and even not see a problem with this type of writing. We must find ways to consecrate our minds and purify our hearts from the lures of the world. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross so we can continue to live willfully in sin, but He paid the price for our sin and gives us freedom from the stronghold of sin. Our hope is not in a sexual fantasy that degrades our mind, soul, and relationships but in the power of Jesus Christ and His love. 

Have you seen your friends, family, or peers reading this book? Have YOU personally read this book? 

Our assignment is not to condemn the world but to be free from it. We have no desire to bash those who rebel against the laws of purity but we do have a command to speak the gospel of truth. Our generation must have the willingness to fight against the Goliath of pornography in every form. Take heed friend that this is not reading material for the lover of Jesus Christ. This is a trap that entangles your heart and brings rebellion towards your spouse who will never fit the mold of the 'perfect sexual man' but will continue to divide until all is lost and destroyed.

Much Christian based warnings against porn has been geared towards men which is appropriate due to men's natural tendency towards sexual release. However, women have been entangled in this web of lies and deceit as well and both male and female need the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. I have learned in talking with many who have struggled with sexual sin that it takes accountability, perseverance  and most importantly a complete fruit of repentance change. We can all say a sinners prayer but will we allow the Holy Spirit to start changing and cleaning areas in our life that have been tormented by sin. Choose God's love and God's desire to make you whole emotionally. God still loves you!

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;" 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5