Inside 'Christian' Marriage: The Invisible Pain

It's no secret that Christian marriages around the world are suffering.

Why are husbands becoming less affectionate to their wives? Why are wives distancing themselves from their husbands? I believe it is time for a spiritual revival not only in our churches but more deeply in our marriages. No self help books, seminars, or specific marriage teachings will transform our marriages more until both husband and wife fully submit to the leading, promptings, and convictions of the Holy Spirit. Let's examine five ways that Christian marriages begin to fall out of love.

1. Personal Prayer is Absent.
We can pray all we want at church, in public venues, or even take a selfie during a spiritual moment for friends and family to see but without consistent personal prayer your marriage relationship will begin to slide. "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...". All of us. Husband and wife. If you want a God-honoring marriage ask the Holy Spirit to renew your prayer life today. Our generation follows the principles of 50 Shades of Grey quicker than the Word of God. Ask the Lord to renew your walk and begin to fervently pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to knit your hearts together so that true love from the Father will fill both your hearts to love in a deep and sincere way. Without prayer we build on sand. I challenge you build on the rock- Jesus Christ.

2. Secret Unrepentant Sin.
Both husband and wife must daily be washed in the presence of the Holy Spirit from sin's stain and stronghold. The Bible reminds us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do we take responsibility for the sin we committed or do we begin to blame our spouse just like Adam did in the Garden of Eden? Husbands-it is your sin of lust, sexual fornication, adultery not your wife's fault. Wives- it is your sin of bitterness, strive, and backbiting and not your husbands fault. The quicker we confess our sin to the Lord the quicker healing will begin in our marriage. Are you still hiding a secret sin? Is it more valuable than your marriage?

3. Me, My, Mine Attitude.
Remember your courtship days and how you each ran towards each other in affection. What happened since then? It is this attitude of self-pleasing that is deteriorating marriages around the world. The word, "I" is translated from Latin the word, "ego". Next time you speak to your spouse replace the word I with ego. My ego wants you to clean the house more! My ego wants you to be more helpful! My ego wants the house fixed. Changes the perspective doesn't it? The Bible reminds us that, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Will you ask the Holy Spirit to change your attitude today?

4. Couples Competition.
This is not something new yet it deceives thousands of couples--the desire to  promote your lifestyle. Wives and husbands enter competition with other couples seemingly invisibly yet the affect is palpable. Husbands begin to work even more, wives begin to shop incessantly. Husbands show off their toy cars, wives promote their fashion style. The list can go on forever. In the midst of a couples pursuit to outdo their peers, they lose their affection for one another. If we are to passionately love the Lord Jesus Christ and exemplify a God-fearing marriage we must stop loving the world. There must become a visible and genuine difference between couples who love Jesus Christ and those who only carry a name for the facade. Examine your marriage, what has the Holy Spirit been asking you to let go?

5. Consistent Maintenance Avoided.
Husbands- what would happen if you did not change the oil in your car regularly? What would happen if you never bothered to check tire pressure or the threads on your tires? Sooner rather than later you would have a heavy repair bill. It is easier to maintain the vehicle properly than to repair an engine or worse potential car accident recovery. Many husbands avoid the "maintenance" issues in their marriages and expect everything to work fine. Imagine if husbands just yelled at the tires-"Why don't you just fill up faster!" or "Why engine do I have to clean you every time!". Yet, we often as husbands yell at our wives and think its always their fault. Maybe...just maybe we as husbands have dropped the ball in maintaining affection, romantic pursuit, or just simply being kind to our wives?

Wives- what would happen if you never washed your hair for an entire week? What would happen if you did not clean your house for an entire week? What would happen if you did not touch the laundry basket for a month? Yes- it would become a HUGE problem. How about your relationship with your husband? How long do you let things not get resolved until a big blow up occurs? What every wife obviously does is wash their hair often, clean the house daily, and wash/dry all the clothes as often as possible. When is the last time you found a way to your husbands heart to address issues that need some maintenance? Don't avoid them investigate them because his silence is an indication that relationship maintenance is long overdo.

My hope is that the Holy Spirit will prompt husbands and wives to recommit their walk with the Lord in a deep and passionate way so that God-honoring marriages can show what true sacrificial love is all about. Never give up on your relationship because Jesus never gives up on you!

10 Ways A Husband Can Be KIND To His Wife

Let's open of the word of God and see what Apostle Peter had to say recorded in 1 Peter 3:7, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them(your wife) with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Every Christian husband wants their prayers to be heard and answered but the Lord is warning husbands in this verse, DON'T MISTREAT YOUR WIFE! Your wife is your co-equal and she deserves to be honored and understood with kind affection. To help you jump start your motivation to serve your wife, here are 10 ways a husband can be kind towards his wife....

1. Clean The Kitchen. It wont take you long and it will put a huge smile on your wife's face. Clean the table off, wash the dishes, sweep and mop the floor and then tell her you loved doing it. (Major brownie points)

2. Pick Up Your OWN Clothes. Your wife is not your slave. You have two feet and two hands. If you have enough muscle to bench press 175lbs at the gym, then you have enough strength to lift dirty underwear, dirty socks, and sweaty clothes into the laundry basket.

3. Study The Bible Personally. As Christian men, we must understand that when we personally study the Word of God it begins to change our attitude in the home and in our relationships. Kindness is found in Jesus and if we study His teachings we certainly will grow the fruit of kindness. In many Christian marriage studies, wives have indicated they would feel more loved when their husbands have a dedicated study time in the Bible and prayer.

4. Cuddle With Your Wife. Wives want to feel the loving and kind embrace of their spouse. Husbands: when you to decide to cuddle its not about YOU its about HER! Stop thinking it must always lead to sex. Wives must feel honored and cared in all respects. This will certainly add to your love bank with her.

5. Say THANK YOU Often. Even if you have been married for many years, it should not stop us as husbands in giving thanks and appreciation to our wife. Every chance you get affirm her talents, character, good works, and use that to say THANK YOU! Being kind is not a sissy type of man but a man who respects his wife in a caring and loving way. If you want to have the aroma of Christ, use the words THANK YOU often towards your wife.

6. Have Daddy Days. Many couples have babies, toddlers, and growing children in their homes. Husbands- Take a few days each month and let your wife rest or go shopping or go out with her friends. Take the kids out for a full day not just saying hi to the kids and crashing on the couch. Experience the load of changing diapers, washing faces, replenishing milk bottles, and wiping tears away from crying toddlers. Your children will love it and your wife will certainly think you are the greatest husband and daddy.

7. LISTEN When Your Wife Talks With You. I read in a book once that says the word 'listen' has the same letters in it as the word 'silent'. When we listen to our wife we show kindness and care. We are attentive, we are focused on her needs, we make an intentional effort to hear the entire story no matter how many different angles it starts going into. Learn to listen to your wife.

8. Actually SMILE! It's not that hard to show loving graciousness like a genuine smile. Some men in the Slavic culture think its better to show a sour face and a serious look ALL THE TIME. God designed us to SHOW emotion and affection and the best place to start is with your wife. Make a diligent effort to greet her with a smile!

9. Scrub The Bathrooms. It may seem like the "woman's job" but I have not yet found a foundational scripture to defend that case. I DID find many scriptures for men to be loving towards their wives and that we have been created equal to share each others burdens. Husbands, if you never cleaned your bathrooms take time and try it. Scrub the inner layer of the toilet bowl, the shower tiles, the garbage can, wipe the hair and small particles of filth on the ground, wash the floor, use bleach, wipe the windows and then after you are done you can share with your wife your experience. It's a great tool to win even more brownie points.

10. Tell Her You LOVE HER! We as husbands have lack in this department. We KNOW that we love our wives but they need to HEAR our affirmation towards them. Don't be cheap on your words for your wife. Lavish her with words of encouragement and love. Tell her you love her in the middle of your day, tell her she is beautiful, tell her how important she is to you, tell her how wonderful a mother and spouse she is to you and the family. As men, we crave encouragement from our spouses but if we are cheap in our words towards them we shouldn't be harsh when we receive the same. Speak the words 'I LOVE YOU' often and in many ways to your wife.

This list should serve as a great motivation to start showing ways to be kind and caring towards your God-given gift- your wife. Serve her!

Twitter: @PaulMuzichuk