Inside 'Christian' Marriage: The Invisible Pain

It's no secret that Christian marriages around the world are suffering.

Why are husbands becoming less affectionate to their wives? Why are wives distancing themselves from their husbands? I believe it is time for a spiritual revival not only in our churches but more deeply in our marriages. No self help books, seminars, or specific marriage teachings will transform our marriages more until both husband and wife fully submit to the leading, promptings, and convictions of the Holy Spirit. Let's examine five ways that Christian marriages begin to fall out of love.

1. Personal Prayer is Absent.
We can pray all we want at church, in public venues, or even take a selfie during a spiritual moment for friends and family to see but without consistent personal prayer your marriage relationship will begin to slide. "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...". All of us. Husband and wife. If you want a God-honoring marriage ask the Holy Spirit to renew your prayer life today. Our generation follows the principles of 50 Shades of Grey quicker than the Word of God. Ask the Lord to renew your walk and begin to fervently pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to knit your hearts together so that true love from the Father will fill both your hearts to love in a deep and sincere way. Without prayer we build on sand. I challenge you build on the rock- Jesus Christ.

2. Secret Unrepentant Sin.
Both husband and wife must daily be washed in the presence of the Holy Spirit from sin's stain and stronghold. The Bible reminds us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do we take responsibility for the sin we committed or do we begin to blame our spouse just like Adam did in the Garden of Eden? Husbands-it is your sin of lust, sexual fornication, adultery not your wife's fault. Wives- it is your sin of bitterness, strive, and backbiting and not your husbands fault. The quicker we confess our sin to the Lord the quicker healing will begin in our marriage. Are you still hiding a secret sin? Is it more valuable than your marriage?

3. Me, My, Mine Attitude.
Remember your courtship days and how you each ran towards each other in affection. What happened since then? It is this attitude of self-pleasing that is deteriorating marriages around the world. The word, "I" is translated from Latin the word, "ego". Next time you speak to your spouse replace the word I with ego. My ego wants you to clean the house more! My ego wants you to be more helpful! My ego wants the house fixed. Changes the perspective doesn't it? The Bible reminds us that, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Will you ask the Holy Spirit to change your attitude today?

4. Couples Competition.
This is not something new yet it deceives thousands of couples--the desire to  promote your lifestyle. Wives and husbands enter competition with other couples seemingly invisibly yet the affect is palpable. Husbands begin to work even more, wives begin to shop incessantly. Husbands show off their toy cars, wives promote their fashion style. The list can go on forever. In the midst of a couples pursuit to outdo their peers, they lose their affection for one another. If we are to passionately love the Lord Jesus Christ and exemplify a God-fearing marriage we must stop loving the world. There must become a visible and genuine difference between couples who love Jesus Christ and those who only carry a name for the facade. Examine your marriage, what has the Holy Spirit been asking you to let go?

5. Consistent Maintenance Avoided.
Husbands- what would happen if you did not change the oil in your car regularly? What would happen if you never bothered to check tire pressure or the threads on your tires? Sooner rather than later you would have a heavy repair bill. It is easier to maintain the vehicle properly than to repair an engine or worse potential car accident recovery. Many husbands avoid the "maintenance" issues in their marriages and expect everything to work fine. Imagine if husbands just yelled at the tires-"Why don't you just fill up faster!" or "Why engine do I have to clean you every time!". Yet, we often as husbands yell at our wives and think its always their fault. Maybe...just maybe we as husbands have dropped the ball in maintaining affection, romantic pursuit, or just simply being kind to our wives?

Wives- what would happen if you never washed your hair for an entire week? What would happen if you did not clean your house for an entire week? What would happen if you did not touch the laundry basket for a month? Yes- it would become a HUGE problem. How about your relationship with your husband? How long do you let things not get resolved until a big blow up occurs? What every wife obviously does is wash their hair often, clean the house daily, and wash/dry all the clothes as often as possible. When is the last time you found a way to your husbands heart to address issues that need some maintenance? Don't avoid them investigate them because his silence is an indication that relationship maintenance is long overdo.

My hope is that the Holy Spirit will prompt husbands and wives to recommit their walk with the Lord in a deep and passionate way so that God-honoring marriages can show what true sacrificial love is all about. Never give up on your relationship because Jesus never gives up on you!

17 Definitive Practices We MUST Crucify

Apostle Paul teaches us in Galatians 5:19-21, a list of 17 practices we must all crucify. (I will be using the New King James Version for each word. It may vary depending on your translation.) 

1. Adultery- {μοιχεία-moicheia}- Loving another person in a sexual and lustful way who you are not committed to in the union of marriage. Crucify it!

2. Fornication- {πορνεία-porneia}-Perverted sexual practices such as lesbianism, homosexuality, intercourse with animals, sex with close relatives, sexual relations with a divorced man or woman, adultery. It has the root word where we get our word 'pornography' from today. Yes, all forms of porn. Crucify it!

3. Uncleanness-{ἀκαθαρσία-akatharsia}-This refers to the moral ways we conduct our life such as the impurity of lustful luxurious, shameless living, extravagant, in partnership with wrong motives. In a nutshell, if you spend your income to impress others buying expensive merchandise, highlight your luxurious life, or spend your finances to be in competition with your peers-Apostle Paul says, STOP IT! Crucify it!

4. Lewdness/Lasciviousness-{ἀσέλγεια-aselgeia}-unbridled lust, shamelessness, excess. Living with no boundaries and with no shame or guilt concerning everything you do. Its a term used to describe a person who in our generation would show his middle finger to all correction or advise. Crucify it!

5. Idolatry-{εἰδωλολατρία-eidōlolatria}- the worship of false gods. Whatever represents the form of an object, either real or imaginary. Also, tied together to this term is the worship of Mammon. To clarify, it was used to describe people who had multiple streams of resources coming into their income and they would use that acquired wealth to fund campaigns against any holy commandment or statue. Crucify it! Does this remind you of our generation?

6. Sorcery/Witchcraft-{φαρμακεία-pharmakeia}- the use or the administering of drugs, magical arts, horoscope readings. As you see its root word is the word where we get 'Pharmacy". Its the mixing of drugs for the purpose of controlling someone's mind, body, and emotions. Mostly, it refers to drug intake and having like a spell cast on you with a chained addiction. Crucify it!

7. Hatred-{ἔχθρα-echthra}- The feeling of enmity, ill-will, bad blood, unfriendliness. Its the picture example of venom. For example, if you had the opportunity to shoot venom directly into whoever you hate you would do it immediately. Crucify it!

8.Contentions/Variances-{ἔρις-eris}- strife, bickering, controversy, wrangling(wrestling), vigorous or bitter conflict of words. Do you enjoy bringing up controversy? Do you 'wrestle' with people on division of words? Do you accuse your loved one of 'saying' this or that? If you had the chance to literary wrestle someone to the ground this is the term implied here. Crucify it!

9. Jealousies/Emulations-{ζῆλος-zēlos}- punitive zeal, an envious and contentious or bitter rivalry. Desiring and putting measurable steps to become better than another person for the sole purpose of degrading them to highlight yourself. Crucify it!

10. Outburst of Wrath-{θυμός-thymos}- angry passion, anger boiling up and soon subsiding again. Think of a tea kettle. As it heats up it screams out loud once the water is boiling and the steam profusely rising and as soon as you take off the heat it calms down again. The only problem is that it does the same thing over and over and over and over again. Crucify it! 

11. Selfish Ambitions/Strife-{ἐριθεία-eritheia}- a desire to put yourself forward, partisanship, one way thinking only. Are you always telling people how right you are and never hearing their views? Crucify it! 

12. Dissensions/Sedition-{διχοστασία-dichostasia}-Strong and divisive disagreements. They cause splits and separations in relationships, partnerships, and unions. Crucify it! 

13. Heresies-{αἵρεσις-hairesis}- The act of capturing or storming a group of people with a diversity of opinions and personal principles. Its the picture word for a group of militia men capturing a city by force and subduing the captors. This is done in the realm of our mind. Crucify it! 

14. Envy-{φθόνος-phthonos}- When you are prompted by envy to do something. Envy is the motive behind your actions. For example, Philippians 1:15, "Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife, and some also from goodwill." Are you a person who begins to preach, get involved in ministry, start a business, higher your education on account that someone else is doing it with success and it eats you up inside? So you decide to get involved in those things from the motive of envy. Crucify it!

15. Murders-{φόνος-phonos}- the brutal or violent killing of a physical person. Crucify it! 

16. Drunkenness-{μέθη-methē}- A person given to intoxication of strong liquor or wine. Crucify it!

17. Revelries-{κῶμος-kōmos}- a nocturnal and riotous procession of half drunken and frolicsome fellows who after supper parade through the streets with torches and music in honor of Bacchus or some other deity, and sing and play before houses of male and female friends; thus used generally of feasts and drinking parties that are protracted till late at night. So in our normal language it means this: drunken people who party into the night and are more given to being controlled by parties, drinking, and debauchery then holy living. Crucify it!

If you have examined your own heart and found these practices residing in you there is hope. The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.". We must not only preach grace but truth with balance. Let these practices be eradicated by the forgiveness found in the precious cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. Seek to practice holiness. 

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Consequences In Dealing With Sexual Sin Publicly

The Bible is the infallible Word from God and it is written by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Every word, every phrase, every command, and every promise is God's pure truth for our lives. One verse that keeps slipping the minds of many men is found in Numbers 32:23, "But if ye will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out." In our age of hyper-grace and distant personal accountability we have discovered the true meaning of this verse with the epidemic tsunami of moral failures one after another from mega-church preachers to local 50 member congregations not only here in America but around the world. As a warning and guard to recheck your personal lives here are 6 consequences of dealing with sexual sin publicly.

1.) Major Depressive Disorder Occurs. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, major depressive disorder is characterized by a combination of symptoms that interfere with a person's ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once-pleasurable activities. If God has called you to minister in a public way, either its in front of a Bible study group or in front of a large conference as a speaker, take heed to knowing that any form of joy will be eradicated from your life if sexual sin is exposed publicly by not dealing with it privately. 

2.) Ruptured Relationships Privately & Publicly. When a life lived and portrayed is exposed to be false as in sexual sin then family, friends, peers, co-laborers, and public acquaintances flee from the vile smell of sin's result which is death. No one wants to be in a relationship with a hypocrite. Search your hearts to ask the Lord to remove any roots of hidden sins. 

3.) We Become Arsonists to our Credibility. I know many have heard about fires being started by criminals called arsonists. They set buildings, stores, cars, and houses on fire for the sole purpose of bringing destruction to the owner or those living in it. Not dealing with sexual sin before the Lord will result in your own hands setting spiritual, emotional, physical, and psychological "fire" to everything you had built to that time. Be accountable to mentors in your life. 

4.) Lifetime of Regret. We can be restored, forgiven, and given new chances to rebuilt our reputation and relationships but the lingering thought of the damage done is difficult to erase from a heart. Many times marriages result in divorce, ordination revoked, ministry taken away, and even financial payments needed to be made for restitution. The Lord wants our hearts and he must be the King of our lives. Save yourself future pain and live clean before the Lord. 

5.) We Flame Persecution on Christians. Yes, that's right. Christians have enough persecution to deal with in the world and dealing with sexual sin publicly flames the burden of even more persecution on Christians. How many pastors, youth leaders, counselors, lay leaders, Sunday school teachers have given the body of Christ extra weight to carry? Every time a moral failure occurs every Christian must continue to take time away from building the kingdom to defending the faith because the mockery of "Christian Leaders" has been blasted on every media channel that exists today. Just STOP it! Your private pleasure is not worth millions of faithful believers to take time to stop building the kingdom. 

6.) Children, Teens, Young Adults Subconsciously Model Your Behavior. It's one thing to say I didn't mean to hurt someone or I never wanted this to happen but it's another to realize that a generation of young people will subconsciously think it is okay to do the same. If we are fighting for purity, abstinence, and sex for marriage then you will not only destroy your own life but the lives of thousands of others. Deep down someone thinks that pastor or that leader got caught but I will not get caught. Enough is enough. Zip your pants up for the sake of future generations. Inspire the next generation to live holy because it starts with you.

Here are links to recent examples of the consequences of dealing with sexual sin publicly: 

 Orlando, FL: Pastor Sam Hinn steps down as Senior Pastor from Gathering Place Worship Center

Virginia Beach, VA: Youth Pastor sentenced for sex abuse 

Chicago, IL: Ex-mega church pastor gets 12 years in sex scandal 

Louisville, Kentucky: Pastor Accused Of Covering Up “Biggest Evangelical Sex Scandal Of All Time”

3 Calls To Action:

1.) Stay Accountable. Find mentors to talk about struggles and don't hide from your weaknesses. 

2.) Intentionally Ask for Resources. Too often we have big heads and small hearts. We think we know everything there is to know about all subjects especially about the ones we struggle with. Be intentional in seeking resources and the Lord will order your steps. 

3.) Be Mature in Friendships. Its easy to find friends who adore you and want to hear the next greatest thing from you. Find friends who will be a Barnabas in your life. He will encourage but also reprove when needed. Be balanced in picking friendships. You want to grow not sink. 

Twitter: @PaulMuzichuk