God Cares About Our Pain: Grief and Loss

Mat 5:4 (NRSV) "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

We all suffer grief. Sometimes it's the excruciating pain of losing someone we are very close to, whether through death or a move or just a loss of the relationship. Sometimes it's a change in a relationship. It might be a job loss, the loss of a pet, or a failure of some sort, which is the death of a dream. Whatever our pain, we need to remember three things:

1. God understands.
2. God cares.
3. God can bring us through it and even make something beautiful out of it. 

"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction," writes author Molly Fumia. "The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied." 
Fumia says it well. When it comes to grieving the death of a loved one, there are no linear patterns, no "normal" reactions, no formulas to follow. The word "grief" is derived from the French word "grève," meaning a heavy burden. Indeed, the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual implications can be overwhelming. 

While grief is an expected response to a significant loss, the unfamiliar emotions that arise can lead to feelings of helplessness, fear and isolation.
Following a death, everyone works through these stresses differently. Some are instantly devastated; others feel numb and disconnected. Some withdraw socially, while others reach out for support. What's more, just when the initial shock begins to subside, a deeper sense of reality and despair sets in. Those who grieve may need to learn new skills, adopt different habits and adjust to daily life without the physical presence of the person who died.
Although grieving is an individual experience, there are symptoms many people share after suffering personal loss:

• Feels physically drained
• Can't sleep at night
• Forgetful and unable to think clearly
• Noticeable change in appetite
• Physical distress such as chest pains, headaches or nausea
• Stays extremely busy to avoid thinking about his or her grief
• Eats, drinks watches television, etc. excessively
• Participates in harmful activities
• Senses or dreams about the deceased
• Becomes withdrawn, lonely and apathetic
• Frequent sighing and crying

Each person sets his or her own pace when grieving. There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. The first few days after someone dies are generally the most intense, marked by chaos, strong emotions and a "dreamlike" sensation.

God empathizes with our pain. His own Son, Jesus -- Who is God -- suffered grief. I think readily of one example.

John 11:33-35 (NRSV) When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. ³⁴ He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." ³⁵ Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"

Of all people, Jesus certainly knew about Heaven. He knew that Lazarus wasn't suffering. But He also knew that it hurt, to lose him. Even though we know someone is suffering less, or something is for the best, God doesn't expect us to just act like nothing has happened, or say "Well He is with Jesus praise God," and go happily on our way. It is wonderful to keep an eternal perspective. However, God has built grief into us as a normal emotion, and we need to allow ourselves to feel it and work through it. God cares about our pain. He knows everything, including our emotions, but He wants to hear from us.

Psa 62:8 (NRSV) Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He wants to hear our hurts. He isn't an aloof God who distances Himself from what we are going through. He is a loving God, a Shepherd, a Father. Those of you who are parents -- think about how you feel for your children when they are grieving, over a friend who has moved, beloved pet who has been killed.
And our Heavenly Father loves us even more than we love our children. Imagine how much more than that even, He cares for us in our griefs! But the ultimate perspective we have does need to be eternal, as well as God's glory and purpose even now. And we often find God has taught us valuable lessons from our pain. I think of two valuable insights I have gained through pains I have encountered:
 
I can now better understand others' pain.

When we are hurting, and afterwards, we need to ask God to use this for His glory and to help his other children.

2 Cor 1:4 (NIV) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. Rom 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I cherish now the relationships that I have.

I realize how short life can be, and that we need to tell people now how much we appreciate them. We need to take time for the family and friends God has blessed us with.

A BOLD Invitation For MEN

MEN: A personal invitation to join God-fearing men in an intense discipleship 3-day event that will happen May 28-30, 2015. You can register by going to http://bold-venture.com 

What is BOLD Venture? 
It isn't a program—it’s an organic network of men and women who believe we must have authentic relationships in order to impact the world for the Lord. The three-day retreats are focused on worship, inspirational teaching and lots of fellowship around meals and in small groups. My closest friends and I want to do all we can to  disciple men and women to be courageous disciples of Jesus. I hope you will join us this year! Personal prayer and mentoring is our passion! 

The theme for our southeast men's event is Discovering Your Inner Warrior. God has placed so much passion, creativity, and boldness in men and He wants men around the world to step out in faith and lead with boldness, transparency, and accountability. If you want God to challenge you to a new level of faith pray about joining us. 

Speakers include: Matt Judd, Jeff Thrash, David Abraham, Eddie Taylor, Paul Muzichuk, Antione Ashley, Felipe Amorim, Chris Maxwell, and host Lee Grady.

Worship: Nate Barbour with special music by Jeremy Thrash.
Registration: $75 which includes 4 shared meals. Scholarships are available for college students and guys between the ages of 18 and 24 or men with financial challenges.
The first session begins at 5 p.m. on Thur., May 28 and concludes at 1 p.m. on Sat., May 30.

Here are some photos from previous years: 

Inside 'Christian' Marriage: The Invisible Pain

It's no secret that Christian marriages around the world are suffering.

Why are husbands becoming less affectionate to their wives? Why are wives distancing themselves from their husbands? I believe it is time for a spiritual revival not only in our churches but more deeply in our marriages. No self help books, seminars, or specific marriage teachings will transform our marriages more until both husband and wife fully submit to the leading, promptings, and convictions of the Holy Spirit. Let's examine five ways that Christian marriages begin to fall out of love.

1. Personal Prayer is Absent.
We can pray all we want at church, in public venues, or even take a selfie during a spiritual moment for friends and family to see but without consistent personal prayer your marriage relationship will begin to slide. "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...". All of us. Husband and wife. If you want a God-honoring marriage ask the Holy Spirit to renew your prayer life today. Our generation follows the principles of 50 Shades of Grey quicker than the Word of God. Ask the Lord to renew your walk and begin to fervently pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to knit your hearts together so that true love from the Father will fill both your hearts to love in a deep and sincere way. Without prayer we build on sand. I challenge you build on the rock- Jesus Christ.

2. Secret Unrepentant Sin.
Both husband and wife must daily be washed in the presence of the Holy Spirit from sin's stain and stronghold. The Bible reminds us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do we take responsibility for the sin we committed or do we begin to blame our spouse just like Adam did in the Garden of Eden? Husbands-it is your sin of lust, sexual fornication, adultery not your wife's fault. Wives- it is your sin of bitterness, strive, and backbiting and not your husbands fault. The quicker we confess our sin to the Lord the quicker healing will begin in our marriage. Are you still hiding a secret sin? Is it more valuable than your marriage?

3. Me, My, Mine Attitude.
Remember your courtship days and how you each ran towards each other in affection. What happened since then? It is this attitude of self-pleasing that is deteriorating marriages around the world. The word, "I" is translated from Latin the word, "ego". Next time you speak to your spouse replace the word I with ego. My ego wants you to clean the house more! My ego wants you to be more helpful! My ego wants the house fixed. Changes the perspective doesn't it? The Bible reminds us that, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Will you ask the Holy Spirit to change your attitude today?

4. Couples Competition.
This is not something new yet it deceives thousands of couples--the desire to  promote your lifestyle. Wives and husbands enter competition with other couples seemingly invisibly yet the affect is palpable. Husbands begin to work even more, wives begin to shop incessantly. Husbands show off their toy cars, wives promote their fashion style. The list can go on forever. In the midst of a couples pursuit to outdo their peers, they lose their affection for one another. If we are to passionately love the Lord Jesus Christ and exemplify a God-fearing marriage we must stop loving the world. There must become a visible and genuine difference between couples who love Jesus Christ and those who only carry a name for the facade. Examine your marriage, what has the Holy Spirit been asking you to let go?

5. Consistent Maintenance Avoided.
Husbands- what would happen if you did not change the oil in your car regularly? What would happen if you never bothered to check tire pressure or the threads on your tires? Sooner rather than later you would have a heavy repair bill. It is easier to maintain the vehicle properly than to repair an engine or worse potential car accident recovery. Many husbands avoid the "maintenance" issues in their marriages and expect everything to work fine. Imagine if husbands just yelled at the tires-"Why don't you just fill up faster!" or "Why engine do I have to clean you every time!". Yet, we often as husbands yell at our wives and think its always their fault. Maybe...just maybe we as husbands have dropped the ball in maintaining affection, romantic pursuit, or just simply being kind to our wives?

Wives- what would happen if you never washed your hair for an entire week? What would happen if you did not clean your house for an entire week? What would happen if you did not touch the laundry basket for a month? Yes- it would become a HUGE problem. How about your relationship with your husband? How long do you let things not get resolved until a big blow up occurs? What every wife obviously does is wash their hair often, clean the house daily, and wash/dry all the clothes as often as possible. When is the last time you found a way to your husbands heart to address issues that need some maintenance? Don't avoid them investigate them because his silence is an indication that relationship maintenance is long overdo.

My hope is that the Holy Spirit will prompt husbands and wives to recommit their walk with the Lord in a deep and passionate way so that God-honoring marriages can show what true sacrificial love is all about. Never give up on your relationship because Jesus never gives up on you!