God Cares About Our Pain: Grief and Loss

Mat 5:4 (NRSV) "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

We all suffer grief. Sometimes it's the excruciating pain of losing someone we are very close to, whether through death or a move or just a loss of the relationship. Sometimes it's a change in a relationship. It might be a job loss, the loss of a pet, or a failure of some sort, which is the death of a dream. Whatever our pain, we need to remember three things:

1. God understands.
2. God cares.
3. God can bring us through it and even make something beautiful out of it. 

"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction," writes author Molly Fumia. "The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied." 
Fumia says it well. When it comes to grieving the death of a loved one, there are no linear patterns, no "normal" reactions, no formulas to follow. The word "grief" is derived from the French word "grève," meaning a heavy burden. Indeed, the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual implications can be overwhelming. 

While grief is an expected response to a significant loss, the unfamiliar emotions that arise can lead to feelings of helplessness, fear and isolation.
Following a death, everyone works through these stresses differently. Some are instantly devastated; others feel numb and disconnected. Some withdraw socially, while others reach out for support. What's more, just when the initial shock begins to subside, a deeper sense of reality and despair sets in. Those who grieve may need to learn new skills, adopt different habits and adjust to daily life without the physical presence of the person who died.
Although grieving is an individual experience, there are symptoms many people share after suffering personal loss:

• Feels physically drained
• Can't sleep at night
• Forgetful and unable to think clearly
• Noticeable change in appetite
• Physical distress such as chest pains, headaches or nausea
• Stays extremely busy to avoid thinking about his or her grief
• Eats, drinks watches television, etc. excessively
• Participates in harmful activities
• Senses or dreams about the deceased
• Becomes withdrawn, lonely and apathetic
• Frequent sighing and crying

Each person sets his or her own pace when grieving. There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. The first few days after someone dies are generally the most intense, marked by chaos, strong emotions and a "dreamlike" sensation.

God empathizes with our pain. His own Son, Jesus -- Who is God -- suffered grief. I think readily of one example.

John 11:33-35 (NRSV) When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. ³⁴ He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." ³⁵ Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"

Of all people, Jesus certainly knew about Heaven. He knew that Lazarus wasn't suffering. But He also knew that it hurt, to lose him. Even though we know someone is suffering less, or something is for the best, God doesn't expect us to just act like nothing has happened, or say "Well He is with Jesus praise God," and go happily on our way. It is wonderful to keep an eternal perspective. However, God has built grief into us as a normal emotion, and we need to allow ourselves to feel it and work through it. God cares about our pain. He knows everything, including our emotions, but He wants to hear from us.

Psa 62:8 (NRSV) Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He wants to hear our hurts. He isn't an aloof God who distances Himself from what we are going through. He is a loving God, a Shepherd, a Father. Those of you who are parents -- think about how you feel for your children when they are grieving, over a friend who has moved, beloved pet who has been killed.
And our Heavenly Father loves us even more than we love our children. Imagine how much more than that even, He cares for us in our griefs! But the ultimate perspective we have does need to be eternal, as well as God's glory and purpose even now. And we often find God has taught us valuable lessons from our pain. I think of two valuable insights I have gained through pains I have encountered:
 
I can now better understand others' pain.

When we are hurting, and afterwards, we need to ask God to use this for His glory and to help his other children.

2 Cor 1:4 (NIV) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. Rom 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I cherish now the relationships that I have.

I realize how short life can be, and that we need to tell people now how much we appreciate them. We need to take time for the family and friends God has blessed us with.