Abuse of Slavic-American Women

Enough is enough.

Our Eastern European culture here in America and overseas has given men the authority to verbally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse their spouses and their daughters. The position women have been cornered into is one of domination, scorn, weakness, and simply expected to be a “good mom” in the home. Even men in key Christian leadership positions have not seen the wrong in treating women as second class people. We preach for God to use everyone for His glory yet it’s a stronghold not many Slavic-American men are willing to submit to in their hearts. God is the freedom giver of His people and we must see that God can use both women and men for His glory.

I have personally spoken with many older Slavic women, younger mothers, single ladies, and even young teen girls about the culture of an abusive household mainly having to do with men taking advantage of the women in their homes. Does this indicate that all Slavic-American families have a stronghold of a macho-domineering attitude?, of course not. However, we cannot let the neglect and pains continue without addressing its core roots and making way for the Holy Spirit to heal and restore.

Verbal Abuse
How many Russian, Ukrainian, Belorussian, Moldavian, and other Slavic-speaking cultures have had a history of verbal abuse of women in their families? We must accept the fact that it is deeply enrooted in Slavic men to verbally malign and discredit their wives, daughters, and close women relatives because of their sex. It not only is pervasive in non-Christian homes but more shockingly exists in long time Christian families.  Slavic men use sharp words to wound, offend, and crush the spirit of women. Wounds that last years and in some cases a lifetime without being healed. It is pride and its poisonous root that makes it difficult for men to address their weakness. Men, our tongues can create life or it can cause death so let us be wise to understand that those words spoken out of anger or hurt can leave deep wounds within our spouses, daughters, sisters, and other relatives. It’s time we find ways to protect our women not only from any physical harm but more of any wounds that can cause immense pain emotionally and spiritually.

Physical Abuse
It pains me deeply to write on this subject of physical abuse. There is a blindness that has masked Slavic men’s eyes to the fact that if you slap, punch, throw-down, shake, bruise, or cause bodily pain to spouses, daughters, sisters, etcetera that it is not called physical abuse. Many men have said that it’s only the anger that did that but it was not them.  If we want God and His Holy Spirit to reign in our homes, we must have a spirit of liberty and love in them. There is no room for physical violence to have its way in our homes. Our hearts must find ways to ask forgiveness to the women whom your hand has caused pain. In our generation, it is common to see a Slavic man who says he loves his family yet comes home at night semi-drunk and hits his wife in front their children. I have counseled ladies as well as young adult men who had seen this behavior in their homes and it has wounded them deeply. The root of unforgiveness towards their dad was still so fresh that they could feel its pain emotionally. How many of our wives, sisters, moms, daughters, are still in the cycle of physical abuse in homes that have a title of Christianity? Pride must be cut-down and its effects. I pray the Holy Spirit begin a work within our Slavic men to soften hearts, mold them into men of humility, and cause a spirit of kindness to grow deeper than ever before.

Emotional Abuse
When I asked one older Ukrainian man of his thoughts on emotional abuse in the homes of Slavic families he answered me with a smirk and said that doesn’t happen because we are holy people. I followed up by asking about his life story and his family upbringing. Later I was able to draw out some deep thoughts out of him because as it happened that his father verbally and emotionally abused his mother by calling her worthless names, telling her to do as he commanded all in the name of ministry and God. Needless to say, we had a good open discussion about emotional abuse with a man who never thought it even existed in our culture. How many of our women cry from pains encountered during their childhood upbringing, or their current marriages, or their relationships with their brothers? We love to make way for the Lord and His presence but let’s take time and make a way for healing to enter the hearts of our precious ladies in our lives. We as men laugh when women cry but at times just don’t understand the pain, wounds, and deep emotional scars that have been inflicted in their lives. If we want our family to be carriers of God’s presence we must lay our life, our pride, down and ask for the Spirit of God to start the healing process in our relationships.

Sexual Abuse
Yes, this is a very sensitive subject but one that must be addressed with the grace of the Holy Spirit. In a previous blog called “Hidden Wounds: Sexual Abuse in Slavic Families”, I shared a story of how 3,000 Ukrainian women many who were pastors wives, or key leaders in the church came to the alter for healing from sexual abuse in their past or current situations. It deeply touches me to the core to know how many hidden wounds of sexual abuse there is masked in our culture. Women must find healing from this abuse. It is not enough to just pray over them we must advocate godly sexual practices in our homes. It doesn't matter what title you may have as a man, we must cherish and never take advantage of our spouses. I know there are thousands of women who are seeking healing from sexual abuse and are afraid to talk about it. We as Slavic men have put fear inside their hearts that if they don’t do as we say and don’t pleasure as they we want that there will be hell to pay. God must be honored in EVERY area of our lives. Our dear Slavic women need men who love God, love His Spirit, and will surrender not only their lives to ministry but surrender their hearts to the brokenness of the Holy Spirit. We must make a path for healing to pour out. Sex is almost put into a black hole and never ever talked about in Slavic Christian circles. We are living in a generation that is obsessed with sex and wants its worship in every form. Men, I challenge you to talk to your spouses and your close ones about this subject.  Many will see how real this is and how the Holy Spirit wants deep healing to be made evident in thousands of women’s lives.

Remember only the Holy Spirit is the one who can heal. In the blood and stripes of Jesus we receive our inner healing. It is His kindness, His love, His passion for us, His pursuit of our lives, His drawing that breaks us down to open up the most painful areas of our lives and for him to make us whole and complete. My heart’s cry is that we as Slavic men would stand in the gap for our women and ask the Father to heal any form of abuse in our relationships so healing can flow and the name of Jesus Christ can be glorified not only in the church but in our homes.